It's been a while. Almost a month to the day. I have been much happier, much more at peace. And I've wanted to write several times on sundry subjects. I'll be honest: my workload isn't entirely to blame. My time management skills and sleep schedule have also played a part. Sometimes a body simply wants to stay up and work crossword puzzles or read non-school books or watch Criminal Minds until she thinks every little noise is an unsub breaking in. And then a body pays for it by getting little sleep because she had more work than she thought. Oops. Anyway, I've been home since Thursday and am really glad I made the trip for many reasons. Here is my take on the most reflective reason:
While home, I was fortunate to attend a ceremony honoring Judge Collier's taking senior status as well as his portrait unveiling. During the presentation, Judge Collier's family members, former bosses, and former law clerks sang his praises. He is a patient, wise listener, 'unnerving' at times as one speaker put it. Having become flummoxed myself while [trying to have] a conversation with him, knowing I was standing in the presence of true brilliance, I can attest to that. He is tremendously hardworking, promising his best work and delivering it since the day he assumed the bench. And yet, all that aside, he is humble. I don't like the word 'self-effacing,' because the French verb 'effacer' means 'to erase,' and Judge Collier does not try to erase himself. Rather, he does not feel the need to advertise it. A quote which reminds me of Judge Collier and his humility, paraphrasing Margaret Thatcher: "Being powerful is like being a [gentleman]. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
As I told Judge Collier at the reception, if I can have half the positive effect on the people in my life that he has had (and will continue to to have I am sure), I will consider my life well-lived. As I sat in the back corner, observing all of the happy, proud faces present to honor and congratulate him (and there were even more downstairs), something clicked: I want that too.
Not in a [completely] selfish way. Don't get me wrong: if an idea of a celebration is floating, and good food and good friends will abound, I'm not going to turn it down. But on a deeper level, I want people whose lives I changed for the better to be able to share similar words about me. I want the celebration to be justified. In fact, a substantial number of the people who have changed me for the better, have enriched my life, have reminded me what happiness and love and friendship and grace and second chances are, work in the very building where I made this realization. I'm not anticipating being named a district judge; that career path depends on the alignment of so many 'life stars' that it is nearly impossible to arrange deliberately. But wherever I end up working, I refuse to let these friendships decay from neglect. When people truly care about you and befriend you for the person you are, such souls are not to be left to fall by the wayside. This applies to my friends from all circles, I'm not going to forget them, and it is my hope that they won't forget me.*
With a reinvigorated sense of purpose, it is back to DC and school life I go. I return not with the intention of biting off more than I can chew, for that attempt leads only to disappointment. Instead, I want to focus on one task at a time or one day at a time, and conquer them as they arise. But I shan't forget about all the people who have gotten me to where I am today. Those friendships are equally important to life successes. Where would we be without our support system? Who would be there with us to celebrate the successes? I can't see a reception of one being enjoyable whatsoever. But throw in my friend gems, add some spinach artichoke dip and spring rolls (and lots of other delicious noms), now that's a party I'd like to attend.
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